The Attack
Bethany loves surfing but one day Oct 31,2003 Halloween day she went surfing with her best friend Alana, Alana dad Holt and brother Bryson while they was waiting for a decent tied to roll in Bethany was laying on her surf board looking out with her left arm dangling into the water then that’s when she was aware of a large gray object closing in on her left side ‘’he was slow and silent he really crept up on me’’ she stated in the book. Bethany only saw a blur when it came to her attack their was no pain at the time she felt pressure and kind of a jiggle-jiggle tug. Bethany remembers seeing the water around her turn a bright red from all the blood she lost, and that’s when her left arm was gone almost to her shoulder. She remembers saying over and over again in her head as she was paddling away with one arm ‘’Get to the beach. Get to the beach’’ the shore was a very long quarter of a mile away. Holt Alana dad was pushing the tail of Bethany’s broad to get her to the shore Bryson Alana brother took off fast to call 911, Alana stay beside Bethany the whole time while they was paddling to shore. Holt kept talking to her making her answer questions so she didn't pass out in the middle of the ocean. Took 15 minutes to finally get back to the beach when they did people started to gather around Bethany. Holt lifted her off the surf broad and laid her in the sand at that point everything went black...
Bethany loves surfing but one day Oct 31,2003 Halloween day she went surfing with her best friend Alana, Alana dad Holt and brother Bryson while they was waiting for a decent tied to roll in Bethany was laying on her surf board looking out with her left arm dangling into the water then that’s when she was aware of a large gray object closing in on her left side ‘’he was slow and silent he really crept up on me’’ she stated in the book. Bethany only saw a blur when it came to her attack their was no pain at the time she felt pressure and kind of a jiggle-jiggle tug. Bethany remembers seeing the water around her turn a bright red from all the blood she lost, and that’s when her left arm was gone almost to her shoulder. She remembers saying over and over again in her head as she was paddling away with one arm ‘’Get to the beach. Get to the beach’’ the shore was a very long quarter of a mile away. Holt Alana dad was pushing the tail of Bethany’s broad to get her to the shore Bryson Alana brother took off fast to call 911, Alana stay beside Bethany the whole time while they was paddling to shore. Holt kept talking to her making her answer questions so she didn't pass out in the middle of the ocean. Took 15 minutes to finally get back to the beach when they did people started to gather around Bethany. Holt lifted her off the surf broad and laid her in the sand at that point everything went black...
While you've done a good job incorporating evidence, you need to shift the point of view of your narrator. Reread directions: Character’s point of view: Tell about what happened to the character during the introduction or rising action part of your book. You have time to revise this.
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